All I want for Christmas is a good, old-fashioned card

I am like a kid at Christmastime, decking the halls and making merry. However, when it comes to e-mail holiday wishes, I'm the Grinch. My heart is two sizes too small.

Please, no more warm wishes and holiday greetings in fancy flash animation. No more dogs in Santa hats. No more group pictures of employees. I'm so over videos that never load. And please, I don't want to see your CEO pole dancing in his boxers. Seriously.

I would love to receive your Christmas cards in the mail. They decorate my drab, gray cubicle walls, and the rest of the editorial staff can enjoy them as well if they like. This year, I've received 7 printed cards. A new low.

Another reason I don't like e-mail cards? The size restriction on e-mail attachments and files that my employer mandates makes receiving these missives a massive hassle. My e-mail keeps hitting its oversize limit the past couple of weeks, preventing me from the ability to send important e-mail messages. I say the cards are to blame.

Besides, e-mail cards just seem lazy. Do you not care enough to actually hand write a note? Why do you even send a card in the first place? What is your goal? You want me to remember you, right? Do you think your e-mailed holiday card will really stand out in a sea of business e-mails demanding my attention, including breaking news alerts, or that I'll hang onto it for more than two seconds? Not a chance. Except for maybe the pole-dancing CEO, but do you want me to remember you like that?  

You are direct marketers, so this one should be a no-brainer. Me, I'm asking Santa for direct mail next year.